free online dating! Drats foiled again--no one matches my profile

Inevitable. I've tried them all, Match.com, [...] Well, not the Christian sites. I don't think they match up anything but Missionary-position Breeders. 

I fill in a little about myself--likes, interests, location--then the matchmaking machine makes its own version of finding the perfect soul mate for me...and the results are?

0. As in:

 

Your search results...

(We expanded the search to include other books relating to “tolstoy”)

Hmm, none yet. Maybe try widening your criteria a bit? 

 

Widen this.
*pouts*

No arguing with the machine. There is nobody out there for me.

NO ONE matches me. No lid for this pot.  No Adam for this Eve. No Tatum for this Eve.
   
And it's not just that I live at one tip of the Continental stretched far away West of everything. I've widened my criteria to include English-speakers in this corner of the galaxy. and still. Zilch.

The Arabs invented zero because as a desert people they understood emptiness/void. I got that from Janet Fitch's White Oleander. Everything I know I've read in a book. All life experienced from secondary sources. This can create problems IRL (IRL? Hide in bed: Problem Solved)  The translations are bad. Or the author is a psychopath with an unintentionally unreliable narrator. Or I'm not on the same page.

You did an overnight with near-strangers, drove in massive downpour (road disappears--follow pair of dim, rain-distorted, dancing red lights ahead of you) --- with bottom falling off car (character defect) no sickness the fear is real.

Nope.

Nope it's not.

You're looking through a bell jar. Like those dancing fuzzy lights you just have to trust they are attached to a car, a car driven by a reasonable person,  with the same immediate destination (not Quail Roost Exit to nowhere nor the road's flooded shoulder), that the tires will adhere to the surface (this is not ice, no panic, still we've hydroplaned) etc etc that fucking

TRUST thing. That there's something within reach that will give me a reason to stay alive.

That HOPE thing, that I'll be capable of experiencing. someday. one day.

I can be whoever I want to be...in my own little corner in my own little room. But there's nobody I want to be in my own little corner in my own little room. Look up!

That might be my poem.