They say you can't be too stupid to get the program, but you can be too smart.
they also say
Think think think
and
don't think.
At the point where you can do a 4th step fearlessly, where you can realize it is simultaneously a big fing deal and no big deal...you are ready.
hyper intellectualization.
reading about how to socialize when there is a group of willing, trustworthy, slightly batty perhaps but doing what you have not yet managed...life on life's terms.
Rain but no thunder. Semi-confirmation.
I'm prepared for trip. 3 packs cigarettes.
OK I did laundry so I have a change of underwear.
Am I up for this?
a 3 hour cruise
a 3 hour cruise
we're doomed.
N like weeble wobbles but comes up happy. A talent for happiness I was not born with. I suppose it can be learned. I'll never be elegant or natural at it but
wait for it
fake it til you make it.
If you can fake it til you make it, what happened to absolute honesty? that's the Apology for telling my sponsor to f off Conundrum. Do I give an insincere apology if I feel I am right?
Can I ever be absolutely sure I am right?
And if not, how can I be absolutely sure
sobriety
is the only solution?
Well, not the only one. The only one so far that works. Sort of works. For some people. Dumb people. Sheep. Kool-Aid drinkers.
There was one woman protesting the night of the Jonestown Massacre. It's on tape--swear to bob. Jim Jones super narcissist wanted a record of this glorious night. They weren't comitting suicide, they were protesting not being allowed to live free.
Live free or die indeed. Show me the handcuffs. Take me away. I'll live in chains. A prisoner gets to love her chains.
wow did I do a good job of talking myself into chains.
now change.
I thought: deadline for poetry contest and stopped me cold.
silly.
a problem can't be solved from the level it was originated on. You gots to get up a little higher to see what god wants you to do, as you understand god
oh god not that again. group of drunks. good orderly direction. gaggle of ducks. great Oz diddling
shhhh...............................................................wake up!
How do you disguise a name that is initials in real life? How many do I know (no affiliation with any group is implied--general population) BJ (a dog named after a sex act =0) TJ, JT, PJ, MJ, JP
J seems to lend itself... john jean jan jaques jonathon jeanne
maybe I should stash some just in case.
car alarm sounds
wooop wooop wooop
fuck me I hate having to take this shit seriously. but that's the only way to take it lightly. When you can hold those two thoughts in your head simultaneously, you have it. Lucky ducks don't see the contradiction and have one less thing standing in the way.
It's all it is just one less thing.
Like forrest gump
idiot savant.
No comments:
Post a Comment