Apparently 2015 was a bad year because i published no words. I believe it was a comment from a person I knew long ago and respected that shut me down. He said he enjoyed my little pieces of writing. I had no notion anyone was reading them, let alone someone I know is very intelligent and insightful.
The moment he said it, I had a flash that I would never write in that particular forum again. Then I scoffed...ridiculous. It will encourage me to write more. It will give me confidence.
It stopped me altogether (it stopped me)
my brain doesn't work right.
i've known it all my life. And all my life people have been telling me I'm fine and just like everyone else. I'm not. you are wrong and i am not.
I am stranger than strange and only compensate cuz my IQ is supersized and I can figure things out the hard way. It takes a long time and it's never quite right but close enough because you all don't pay that much attention, do you?
you know what having aspergers and a high iq is like?
it's lonely.
that's all. it's not good. it's not special. it's not useful.
i am intrigued by serial killers cuz the only people i can relate to are people who are way out on the lunatic fringe. I am not a killer. It would have been useful if I were but I'm not. Some things I can forgive myself. Not that.
Deliberate cruelty is what Blanche Dubois calls it. And swears she's never been guilty of it. But she was...she was...she was... That's the repeating repeating shot shot shot throughout the play. Streetcar Named Desire. Tennessee Williams swam every day. and wrote every day. he said. I think he lied.
Blanche's cruelty was telling her fiancé, whom she'd caught in bed with another man, that he disgusted her. The boy then went and shot himself in the head.
Things haven't changed much, really.
I am so very very sorry.
Anna; You are exactly who you are supposed to be, what you decide to do with your great gifts is just that, YOUR CHOICE. Killers, addicts, highly intelligent people like Manson are the way they are simply because they did not utilize their gifts in a positive way. Why? Maybe because they were too busy blaming everyone else for who they were instead of accepting the fact that they were different was indeed a gift. We are here to learn to be God/Goddess like to highest and best of our abilities. The way that we do that is by sharing our gifts and not by hiding them under a bushel or trying to be like everybody else. I cannot think of a more boring world than one where everyone was the same. Talk about "Pleasantville" Hah! What exactly is it that you are afraid of? I know the answer even if you will not admit it to yourself. You are afraid of your own potential to change the world and the responsibility that will go along with that if you should decide to bite the bullet and just do it. Write what you know. It will reach who ever it is supposed to reach whether you ever know it or not does not matter. It also does not matter what anyone else thinks about it. If they don't get it, well, they don't get it. They are not a part of your group. If you do not do this you are torturing yourself. It is not anyone else's job to make you happy. That, my friend is an inside job. You are also not the Lifeguard for anyone else's fragile personality. Sail your own ship. Enjoy the ride. Without apology.
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