Amputation Below the Knee; Dying on the Table and Coming Back with Total Recall

If you must have your leg amputated, Below the Knee is the best outcome. Sometimes it's not enough--sort of wait and see if your veins can function well enough to regenerate and heal...if not, up and up and up til the leg is gone.

Did she do it to herself? The attitudes of some medical professionals, who were trained better (I know--I'm one of them, disabled), make them less likely to give empathetic help.

YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF.

Not that she denies it. Tells horror tales, some hilarious, about past I.V. drug abuse.

Now she needs a new liver an a new kidney. Some fat chance of both being available and compatible, but that's way in the future.

Like many addicts, lovers of addicts, cleaner-uppers-after-addicts, she'd got Hepatitis C. Can't get new liver until Hep C is cured. Cure is interferon, which is bad -- not as bad as it used to be but bad enough. Is she healthy enough to endure the cure?

They cut her femoral artery several years back. OOPS.

She's died twice that I know of.

I know a lot of people who've died. Hazard of being in anonymous program for anomalous people.

Just this afternoon, my housemate told me of dying of OD and seeing himself brought back to life in a corner near the ceiling. He accurately quoted the doctor saying "forget it, he's gone" and the nurse saying, "no, try adrenaline. hit him with the paddles." Wearily, the doctor followed the nurses orders--

it happens more than you'd imagine LOL

and zoom-- he was back in his body and hitting on the nurse who saved his life. Tearing the tubes out of his arms...this was 30 years or so back...and he said:

I tore out the catheter.

NOOOO! I cringed. I was a psych nurse, don't know much about med/surg but I do know there's a balloon inflated to hold the catheter in place. And if you DON'T know that, and pull the catheter out without deflating the balloon.

ouch.

serious ouch.

Anyway, she's already planning for her motorized scooter, her rehab, getting the hell out of Miami.

Back to the Keys where they'll deflate your balloon before you get crazed enough to pull it out yourself. Where her friends can visit.

It's Thanksgiving. My mother died when I was 13 then night before Thanksgiving. I hate Thanksgiving. You wanna give thanks, Give the land back to the Indians you stole it from you turkey-fucking bastards.

3 Men: one for sex, one for emotional support, one for financial support

Can't imagine what's up with the 80-year-old financial supporter up in New England. If I could have controlled MM that way...

If I looked like her, I'd get what I could from men. Though she doesn't seem content. She prefers cuddling with her 3 dogs and 3 cats, one of which I may adopt. Doesn't fit in. Dogs totally control attention of mom until bedtime when the dumb fucking chiuahuas are too stumpy to jump on the bed.

I used to be a dog person...it was forced on me. I am in truth a crazy cat lady. I'll love YOUR dog. I just won't have one in my home. Sort of like men.

Emotional support guy too emo...distressing for woman tending toward depression. (I'm not depressed--I'm sick.)

Sick since sex boy got released from jail. I'd thought she was through with him. Had been relief when he went to jail. Away from his narcissistic possessiveness. Want to warn her against the evil-ness. She sees he's all about himself. Texted her q 10 minutes while I was at her condo to meet a cat unhappy there. Knows she can't trust him. He won't get a real job. He's working all the angles. He's more insistent. And she can't seem to say no.

Here's how; NO. GET LOST you fucking vampire. I'm afraid to say that, it's a judgement and I don't know him that well, only see the effect he has on her: colitis flare-up, arthritis flare-up, flu... I am not only friend who noticed her physically/mentally going downhill as soon as he was released from jail.

fighting like roosters/ fred flinestone...next episode.

I agreed to take cat into our happy home to give her a better life.

My Ambivelance no no not amber lamps

My father and husband (both dead) were veterans. Imagine my ambivilance.

Principles before personalities.

Except when you're writing a steamy novel. It can't help but be steamy. I do live in the subtropics.

I don't fancy that word. makes us sound less-than-tropic. Rather than having a unique climate of our own.

technically,

just write it--first draft of a chapter in novel

It's okay to spiral. But bounce back . Like a spider. One of your companion animals. Grandmother spidert got her wrong.

Either get used to spiders, or give up camping.
I got used to spiders. Called those spindly other-worldly fast-moving horrors "Dad". Come sit beside me, Daddy Longlegs.

I did that  Fr. Face. Affirmations before I knew what ttherefore SEE?????hey were. [touch pad wonky. won't click properly. Stuck in "down click" position. Touch it and weird things happen. Doesn't do what you want. Ghost in machine. Mind of its own.

All errors are (see SEE????? above) are attributable to computer error. I can fuck up all I want til fixed. Operator untouchable. Error-free operator.

It's a sign from ghingod, mac, apple, same . Ththierngat should be god. God punished me for not capitalizing god.

as if he, er He cared about silly human designations of respect. silly.
rmined to write and now my computers gone wonky. A sign to STFU?
I was de

Suicides. three peeps  meet at aa meeting (sooo 80's) um CA? SLA? ha ha ha never been. "I'm just here reaseaching my play" yeah. right. U've been researching this play for 35 fucking years. maybe more. when will U get on with it????

Like Ray Campbell said about your scene. MOVE ON. No wonder you can't get anything done. Aspergers.It's not a big emotional drain sewage...no more than others...It's your BRAIN fucking it up. All this thinking you think is so important. It's not. Except to concince them u know what U R talking about
and
you have enough insight to move on. Gathered enough. Harvested. October.November.

teacher
nurses
psych hosp
focus on hosp as setting.
what works works.

Sleeping Beauty, with a Twist. Monty Python and the Mouse that didn't roar but cuddled.

the snake and mouse story. Fed mouse to snake, but snake not yet hungry. Mouse slept curled up with snake. Buddies. One day mouse gone and bulge in snake. He really loved his food. I think there's a metaphor there. Sleeping beauty. with a twist.

 

It's scaly and cool to touch, but flexible, I can make myself quite comfortable. Oh, he's got no fur but that's okay. We'll move to Key West and the cold blooded snake will feel warm all day.

wip 

 

make a decision. like you did with your brother. to be comfortable. and after that it was fine. Problems sure but on the same dimension.

You can't solve a problem from the dimension which caused it. Not higher, but different. Outside the box. Who's box? I don't see any box

 

yes! there is your problem. all possibilities are possible slow down you will never do them all. just live. one moment moment

like you just went ahead outside when you heard Tom rustling. Don't stop to thinks. But think first. LOL

Just fixin to do it. yup, that's my motto.

U need to sleep and eat. NOOOOOOO