Southernmost Suicide

clawing at the edge of nothingness
to gain a foothold in something
that may be
foothold-free.
Y bother?

suicide
so glamorized:
the last house on the block on the street the world the other worlds
...well, maybe not the other worlds.

that's for the suicide to explore.

we all die. does it hurt more if a human chooses the moment
or Nature does? Or a snake? A retrovirus?

can a free soul suffer after all?
It's too too ineffably sad to imagine
dead souls
clawing at the edge of nothingness
trying to walk through a wall cuz spirit should but spirit can't?

Am I spirit?
what happened where am I? I see them
crying over me

O I C.

but I am over me and over them
I am over them.
I am over me.
I am over.
I hover. 
It was helium,
after all.
Smart, aren't I? Genius, even.
no impulsive acts for me
I researched and
re-searched.
With this squeaky voice.

It was helium, after all,
I chose.
fooled ya.

And a bag.
What color was the bag?
What color was the bag?
You want to buy me matching pumps?

No. Sorry.
Can't satisfy the natural urge to witness the
unnatural, though this is Key West
Where nothing is unnatural.

Is that why he chose it?

He was straight, good as gold
thoughtful to the end.
He didn't make a mess.
of course I made a mess
He wasn't in a dress.
NTTAWWT
It wasn't what you think.

You'd think and think and it wouldn't do you
a damn bit of good.

so I don't imagine it.
there's no such thing as ghosts
there's no such thing as ghosts
there's no such thing as ghosts

happy joyous and free
my cage rattles me.
my bone cage
my bones
my cage

some men are islands.
O I NOES
this is Paradise, the preview.
last house on the left the end of the road.

he no longer needs roads.
it was helium he chose,
after all
to make them laugh in paradise
with a squeaky voice
from a soul free now
from choice.

---anna c.
rip
2013